“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” -Miguel Angel Ruiz
I think one of the most irresponsible things we can do is to make assumptions. Like assuming that others, particularly our partner, know what we want. Or assuming that people are going to do what you want in the way that you want. Or assuming that people think the way you think or know what you know.
All assumptions, no matter how small, can lead to resentment and can damage relationships.
I find this particularly true in intimate relationships. Both women and men are equally good at this, so I don’t want to point fingers at one gender. Instead of taking responsibility for asking for what we want, we assume that our partner knows and take it personally and to heart when they don’t fulfill our wishes and desires.
When you really stop to think about it, it seems rather silly to expect that just because someone lives with us or has known us for years that they also have direct insight into our every thought, feeling and desire. How could they when we often don’t even know what we really want.
Let’s look at an example. Say you want your partner to take on the responsibility of sharing in some household duties that you have assumed because of your gender. These have tended to be handed down from generation to generation, and although we have a very different lifestyle in today’s society many of these gender relations roles still have their grip on many couples. This can cause and imbalance with one partner taking one more creating stress and resentment, and ultimately arguments.
If you want help with something it is not only your right to get it, but it is your responsibility to ask for it.
Don’t blame your partner for not stepping up to the plate and volunteering their help, it takes a long time for long held beliefs and patterns to change.
Don’t demand help, don’t assume help, and don’t be resentful for a lack of help. Just do the right thing and ask for it, in a loving kind and sincere way. You will be amazed at how this can make all the difference in the world.
Where could you use more help? Take some of the stress off and ask for help.
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