Break the Victim Chain

“When people don’t like themselves very much, they have to make up for it. The classic bully was actually a victim first.” ~Tom Hiddleston

“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of other, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~Miguel Angel Ruiz

“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it we’ll always be its victim.” ~Richard Bach

“I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself.” ~T.D. Jakes

“You can’t be a victim and heal.” ~A.J. Langer

Victim chain
From the time we are born until the time of our death we will experience loss and hurt in our lives. No exceptions! Some people will experience more than others and in varying degrees of severity. This is one of the givens of life and as much as we try to go through our life avoiding emotional pain, it does and will happen. The point here is not that it happens; the point is how we react and what we do about it?

With loss and hurt come the uncomfortable feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness, pain, distress, and fear. Unfortunately many of us have not been taught how to be with our feelings in a nurturing and self-reflective way that allows us to process, release and heal. Instead, we have learned to suppress, bury, and ignore our feelings. These feelings which are called emotions are in fact “energy in motion,” and just because we suppress, bury and ignore them, does not mean they are gone.

The feelings and emotional hurts we do not allow ourselves to process and release stay with us for life. They are cumulative and cumulatively negative, and create what can be referred to as walking wounded people. Walking wounded people can lead perfectly normal lives, yet when something happens that triggers a suppressed wound, the natural reaction can be to deflect the feelings that are being triggered.

We deflect by attacking and possibly wounding ourselves and, or others, or both. I like to refer to this as the Victim Chain. In the Victim Chain, we pass our unhealed wounds on, particularly to our children and loved ones by way of anger, judgment, criticism, blame, conditional love, hatred, resentment, guilt, abuse, rejection, betrayal, neglect, infidelity, control, and at times, violence.

Wounded people hurt; healed people love. Who do you want to be? Where in your life have you been wounded and are now possibly hurting others perpetuating the Victim Chain? Breaking the chain begins with each and every one of us. It begins by taking personal responsibility to heal from our wounds and live a life free to love.

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