Have You Found Your Soul Mate or Cell Mate?

“To say that one waits a lifetime for his soul mate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting; take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soul mates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.” ~Criss Jami, Venus in Arms

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” ~John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

“Your soul mate is someone who loves you for what you are, accepts you for what you lack, and still gently invites you to grow.” ~Rishi

“The new female and the new male are partners on a journey of spiritual partners on a journey of spiritual growth. They want to make the journey. Their love and trust keep them together. Their intuition guides them. They consult with each other. They are friends. They laugh a lot. They are equals. That is what a spiritual partnership is: a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth.” ~ Gary Zukav

I think many people have given up on the concept of soul mates because over time they feel like what they have really found is a cell mate. I also think many of us are confused about what a soul mate really is and how this person shows up in our lives. To go even further I feel that far too many of us fall into the all “roses and bliss” trap.

Soul mate or cell mate

So let’s chunk it down into two categories; what a soul mate is and what a soul mate is not. Sound good? Keep in mind relationships are complex, as are people, and this is just a summary using the KISS method for the purpose of creating awareness and provoking thought.

What a soul mate is not:

  • Perfect. No one person will ever fit this bill. We all come with baggage of some sort; this is a part of being human.
  • Meant to complete us. We are meant to complete ourselves and be a whole person. If you are looking for someone to complete you…stop!
  • Your savior. The damsel in distress and knight in shining amour are for fairytales.
  • Someone who controls you. Control is based on fear and not on love.
  • Someone who abuses you physically or emotionally. As much as we are not perfect, abuse should never be tolerated.
  • Narcissistic. It is very difficult to be in a soul mate relationship with someone who is all about himself or herself. When this is the case, there is no room for you.

What a soul mate is and can be:

  • Accepting. They accept you for who you are and do not try to change you.
  • Allowing. They allow you to be you and express yourself.
  • Appreciative. They appreciate who you are and what you bring to the relationship.
  • Affectionate. They show their affection for you without asking for anything in return.
  • Attentive. They know your needs and are happy to try and meet them.
  • Willing to grow with you. Relationships are the perfect place to learn about ourselves, and to heal and grow into the best version of ourselves. A true soul mate is willing, able and prepared to take part in not only your transformation but in his or hers as well. This growth comes without blame, judgment, ridicule or conditions.

It is important to remember unconditional love is the basis of a soul mate relationship. If we are putting conditions on our love for another then we are in a cell mate relationship. The key for unlocking the door and freeing yourself and your partner is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for not being perfect; forgive your partner for not being perfect; release the past; learn to love each other without conditions and see how your partner is reflecting back to you where you need to change and grow.

Click here to schedule your free call with Gina.