Is Your Relationship Facing a Break-Up or a Break-Through?
“Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.” ~Amen
Relationship loss is one of the biggest forms of grief we will encounter in our lifetime; the toughest one being caused by death.
The dynamics of relationships are complicated, intricate and not always easy to understand. From the moment we are born we are in relationship. Life is all about relationships, and ultimately finding ‘the one’ we can share our life with intimately. The ‘happily ever’ and ‘until death do us part’ kind of relationships. Then there is the ‘reason, season, and life time’ kind of relationships as well.
For this article, I am going to focus on the loss brought on by breaking up, separation and divorce from our most intimate romantic relationships.
Recently I have been witness to a lot of relationship turmoil. Not sure if it’s the full moons of late, or some other astrological phenomenon but either way, there does seem to be tremendous unrest in romantic relationships.
Sometimes relationships are just not meant to be, and I totally get that. I don’t believe two people should stay together if the relationship is not serving them both in personal growth and need fulfillment. However how much of that responsibility do we put on our partners versus ourselves? How much do we get caught up in our neurosis instead of being adults who can talk about our issues without judgement, criticism and blame?
We all come into relationship with ‘baggage’ so to speak; from our unhealed and unresolved childhood issues and our past relationships. This baggage is ours, we own it and yet we often enter into relationship unconsciously unloading it onto our partners. We can do this in a gambit of ways: jealousy, anger, drama, emotional unavailability, control, lying, cheating, aggression, lack of trust, you get the gist.
I often say, ideally, we want to enter into relationship with nothing more than a wallet that contains our factual personal story, but really, we often have a carry-on, full size suitcase and in the worst of cases an oversized trunk. Things get tricky and hard to navigate when the baggage becomes too heavy to carry any more, leaving us weak and depleted. It can be in these instances when we feel that we have no choice but to end things and with that subject ourselves to a tremendous amount of grief.
But what if we are missing something? What if we are actually facing an opportunity for growth, for healing and for developing a deeper bond and intimacy? How will we ever know? How do we know and where do we start to find out?
First, we must change perspective and see what is going on is not necessarily an ending but potentially an opening. Second, we must take full responsibility for ‘our stuff’, meaning the baggage we came into relationship with and how it has contributed to the weight that is no longer manageable. Third, we must start to open our bags to see what is inside, taking out one article at a time. We will begin to realize that the ‘stuff’ we have been carrying around no longer serves us. We don’t need it any longer. It’s old, outdated and holding us back from achieving happiness and peace in our relationships. It is then that we can decide, most often with help, to let it go and begin to heal.
Once we begin to mine through our personal ‘baggage’ we can start to achieve breakthroughs in perspective, understanding, and healing personally and within the relationship itself.
The immense painful grief of break-ups can often send us tail spinning into the full-on catalyst for a breakthrough. But until you ask yourself the question, find the answers by seeking the support and help you need how will you know?
Are you facing a break-up or a break-through? If you are not sure, contact me and set up an appointment to start a conversation and move towards finding clarity.